I miss her tonight...

Yeah, I do. This morning I woke up at 4.58am. I couldn't go back to sleep and when I eventually got out of bed for work, I nearly got sick again... dry retching. "Dry retching is fairly common with anxious people." Why am I anxious? I just want to be able to sleep properly again. Sleep is one of my favourite things. 

Tonight I feel sad and empty and lonely... I just want to be able to cuddle up with her in bed the way we used to. She brought me peace. Yet I know that it wouldn't feel the same, couldn't feel the same now. We can't go back to then. That peace was short-lived and I can't think of it positively because now I doubt it. Now I doubt it all. I want to talk to her yet I know that I won't allow myself to. Everytime I feel tempted to pick up the phone I just think of the day that we broke up and what she meant when she said that she was contacting other people more than she should of been and not telling me... Or when she told me that she knew that she was fucking me around. That's great, thanks for that. I couldn't trust her but she gave me reason not to.