Indifference is the greatest revenge...

In response to my last post, I should probably go on to say that I did a lot of thinking about that whole relationship this weekend... pretty much spent (wasted) my whole weekend thinking it over and over. Yes I do miss her sometimes, yes I do feel a bit heartbroken about the whole situation and yes I have been beating myself up about what I could have done to make things different or what I can do now to change things... Thing is I can't do anything to change the past and I have no control over these things... no one does actually. I wanted things to go a certain way, they didn't. I didn't really fuck things up the way that I have been thinking that I did and it's not my fault. I'm only human... so what if I was feeling a bit needy and vulnerable towards the end... everyone does at times and if you're in something that is secure and right then the other person will be there for you and not drop you at the first sign of trouble. I guess what I am saying is that I need to move on. It was rightly pointed out to me today that I am am self-indulging in this and that it's starting to hold me back. I want to be positive again and feel good about myself. I want to be able to deal with the possibility of bumping into her... whether she's with someone new or not... and for it to be ok. I want her to be happy and I really hope that she is or will be. I want to realise my full potential and not let situations or other people drag me down or hold me back. I was giving too much and expecting too little... I gave her a lot more chances than I had given other people in the past. I wasn't listening to my gut enough. I really wanted it to work... maybe I was trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. How I started this post - In response to my last post - yes, I hate that I still want her... but deep down I know that I don't still want her... I want back what we had and I want to have the same feelings for her that I had back then. But things changed and too much has been said... we wouldn't, couldn't have recovered from that, we weren't strong enough or right for each other in the long run. So although I may feel lonely sometimes or get upset thinking about something nice from the past when we were together, I still have to hold onto that - that J & I weren't right. That's what has stopped me from contacting her. I have more respect for her than to mess her around when I know now deep down we're not right for each other. I think that if you know that it's not going to go somewhere and it's not right then it's best to just leave the other person alone. If you love someone, set them free, right? That is what has stopped me from replying to her text messages. And that is what will ultimately make me move on. In the meantime, if she views my silence as rude, hurt, anger... let her. If she views it as indifference then as the saying goes, indifference is the greatest revenge...